Relief came in the form of Steph, a friend of a friend who had a very similar experience. Steph had also faced an unplanned fourth pregnancy, far from family support. Unlike others, Steph didn’t brush away Lily’s fear, she acknowledged it, “I feel ya!” She congratulated Lily and then shared her own story.

Steph described how her first reaction had also been shock and panic. She spoke honestly about the fear, the tears. And then she explained how things changed. Parenting four children, she said, wasn’t dramatically different from parenting three. The real challenge had been carving out time for herself and adjusting routines. 

Most reassuring of all, Steph reminded Lily that having a newborn is often easier than being heavily pregnant while caring for toddlers. She reassured her that she wasn’t suddenly going to be handed another one-child whirlwind. “Take one day at a time, and breathe,” Steph advised.

For the first time, Lily felt heard. Having her panic validated – by someone who truly understood – lifted an enormous weight from her shoulders. She could breathe again. She even began to feel excited about the baby.

A Thriving Family of Six

When baby Charlie finally arrived, Lily’s fear was replaced with love and joy. The family of six found their rhythm. Some days are easier than others and looking back, Lily saw that the challenges she had dreaded were real – but temporary. Every difficult day, week, or month was outweighed by the happiness their “surprise” baby brought into their lives.

“I absolutely loved having Charlie as a baby,” Lily now says. “I was so much more confident than with my first three, and I was so much more relaxed. He’s the puzzle piece we didn’t know was missing.”

Lily’s Advice

Now on the other side of her journey, Lily has advice for other parents facing the shock of an unplanned pregnancy:

• Take a breath. Seek out someone who has been through it and will let you share your panic without dismissing it. A listening ear makes all the difference.
• Reach out for help. If there isn’t someone close, Life’s Helpline can be invaluable. Speaking your fears aloud stops them from swirling endlessly in your head.
• Prepare practically. Batch cooking meals before the baby’s arrival was a lifesaver for Lily and remains a habit she keeps years later.
• Invest in support if possible. Even a few hours a week with a mother’s help or nanny can lighten the load in those early weeks.
• Work as a team. Agree with your partner that they will shoulder the bulk of household duties and childcare at first, so you can focus on recovery and bonding with the new baby.
  
  

Lily can still remember the shock of seeing the positive pregnancy test, and the fears that followed. It was a challenging time but worth every second. Charlie completed their family in ways she could never have imagined, and she wouldn’t change a thing.

Being heard is what gave Lily the breathing space to quiet the anxious and fearful voices in her head and to start feeling excited about her new baby. If you are in a similar situation and have spiralling fears and worries about your pregnancy, reach out to Life’s Helpline for free and confidential support.